Posted in Building Wealth, Financial Freedom, Marriage and Money, You and Your Money

Is My Spouse Committing Financial Infidelity?

We know that cheating and affairs happen everyday in marriages – even the strong marriages can be affected. However, did you know that financial infidelity is just as common in marriages today?

What is financial infidelity?

Financial infidelity is when you do anything financially that you hide from your partner. Some common examples are:

  • Opening a credit card without their knowledge
  • Buying something and then hiding it
  • Having a secret bank account
  • Giving or lending someone money without your spouses knowledge

Financial infidelity isn’t about asking permission. It is about making a financial decision without having a conversation with your spouse which then leads to having to hide it from them. Financial infidelity has grown in recent years in conjunction with more people being independent minded. I saw some statics in researching for this blog as well as this week’s podcast that completely blew my mind.

  • 39% of people think that financial infidelity is ok
  • 16% think it is ok if it involves bigger sums
  • 56% spend money without their spouses knowing
  • 27% hesitate to talk about money with their spouses

Just like sexual infidelity, financial infidelity has no place in a marriage and will destroy a marriage just as quickly. If you feel the need to hide anything financial from your spouse, there is a much deeper issue looming that needs to be addressed.

In my first marriage, I was judged for everything I bought. He and I had very different taste, but he was so controlling that if I bought something he didn’t like, he was very mean about it and indirectly would forbid me from wearing it. Because of this, I would hide anything that I bought that I knew he would hate. And then I would wear it only when he wasn’t around. The issue in our marriage wasn’t money – it was a control issue. It was all about his need to control everyone around him – his way or the highway.

If you are committing financial infidelity or suspect your spouse of it, take a step back and try to figure out what the bigger issue is – control, selfishness, low self esteem, etc. The deeper issue has to be addressed before the infidelity can stop. Otherwise, you are just putting a band aid on a big wound.

I need to say it one more time – financial infidelity is just as harmful to a marriage as sexual infidelity. There is a trust that is broken in both situations and it can be challenging, if not impossible, to mend. Secrets kill everything – relationships, careers, health, etc. It’s not worth it. No purchase or secret bank account it worth what it will do to your relationship. Be brave enough to stop the secrecy and address the bigger issue! You’ve got this!

Posted in Building Wealth, Debt Free, Financial Freedom, Winning with Your Money, You and Your Money

I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up

We all have seen or heard this saying before.  Every time I hear it, I picture the elderly lady laying on the floor, alone and helpless.  Until she hits the button and asks for help.  Do you feel like you have fallen and can’t get up?  Do you think you’ve made mistakes in your finances, your career, your relationships, and your life that are so big, you are stuck where you are?

That is simply not true.

Yesterday, like most Sundays, I was sitting around in my pjs, relaxing and watching football.  I happen to be watching the Washington vs. Atlanta game since my Eagles had a bye week.  For the last several years, Atlanta has made it to the post season.  They have been one of the top teams.  However, this year, just a few weeks ago, they found themselves with a record of 1-4.  This record is not good when you have Super Bowl dreams.  Basically, the Falcons had fallen.  And the question everyone was asking was would they get up.

The team answered that question with a resounding “Yes!”.

The announcers were talking about what Coach Quinn had done to rally his team out of their slump.  They talked about how members on the team stepped up and said this is not okay.  They begin making changes – what they had been doing wasn’t working.  They came up with a new plan, a new way and in the process, found success.  Their record after this week is 4-4 – they beat Washington (who is leading their division).  And Julio Jones, one of their key receivers, made a touchdown after 343 days.

So what can we take from all this jibber jabber?  We all fall – even the best fall.  The key to success and winning is whether you decide you get up or keep laying there.  When the lady fell, she reached out for help.  When Atlanta fell, they developed a new plan.

So back to the questions I asked in the beginning – have you fallen?  What are you going to do about it?  Are you going to get up or just lie there?  Are you going to develop a new plan or just keep doing the same thing over and over?  Are you going to ask for help or just stay where you are?

The decision is yours to make.  When I found myself over $200,000 in debt, a single mom, making $10,000 a year, I had these same choices.  I decided to get up.  I decided to develop a new game plan.  I decided to ask for help.  And in doing so, I found success.  Now, what are you going to do?

If you need to press the help button, simply click here and reach out to Debbi and her team.  They have developed products, books and services to serve you anyway that they can.  Personal finance is personal and Debbi and her team are here to meet you where you are and help you reach all of your goals and dreams!